During the fall of 2012, I had not been feeling well overall. I had weird pains in my shoulder that radiated towards my back. I was taking all kinds of over-the-counter meds hoping it would give me some relief. Finally I went to my primary care doctor and he asked me “have you had your mammogram?” Shamefully, I confessed to him that I had not. Mind you…. I had previous referrals to have one done but I never scheduled the appointment. This time however was different. My heart and spirit told me that I needed to follow through this time. So I made the appointment the following week. After having my mammogram the technician told me have a seat and wait until she returns. Note: I didn’t know this was customary as this was MY FIRST MAMMOGRAM.). After a few minutes (which seemed to be an eternity) she informed me that the radiologist will be contacting my doctor to discuss my results and most likely they will be performing an ultrasound for further testing. At that moment fear and darkness came over me like a freight train. From that moment everything was a blur….crying….more doctors appointments…. crying….biopsies…crying….. I will tell you my tears in the beginning were of “pain”. Asking God “Why me?”; “What did I do to deserve this?”; “What awful sin did I commit to warrant this?”. I was a MESS!!!!!! Emotionally distraught and physically drained. Whenever someone asked me how was I doing I would breakdown.
Long story short, January 2013 life as I knew had changed. I received that dreaded phone call from my doctor as I was driving home from work alone. He wanted me to come into the office to discuss my results but I insisted that he tell me the results immediately. I pulled over into a nearby shopping center and parked. His words were, ”You have Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma in your left breast. “ I asked him to repeat this diagnosis a few times because it did not register in my brain. I felt numb but it was also a weird feeling of “relief”. I got myself together and drove home in a daze. I talked to my family and shared the news of my diagnosis. At that point, I was more concerned for them more than I was for myself. At that point God put a calmness in my spirit that I could not explain. This was a peacefulness that I never knew before. I would cry but my tears were different. My “new” tears were more comforting and joyful because I knew God had me!!!!!
Going through the side effects of cancer treatment are NO PICNIC by far but as I am going through this journey I have learned who I can depend on…..Jesus! He has brought so much peace and calmness to my heart now to do what I have to do to beat this “unwelcome guest” in the ground. I had to learn that I cannot let this thing break my spirit. There has been some really wonderful moments that I have also experienced through this journey. This is the BC Gift for me. My faith had gone through the roof!!!! I have reconnected with some wonderful friends, met some new inspiring people, gotten closer with my family, started eating healthier AND most importantly I discovered a strength in myself that I never knew before.
So I am determined to push forward with more determination. It is my prayer that God uses me to be an example for my daughters and other women that we must persevere through life’s challenges and adversities and to lean on God to order our footsteps through this life.
I am committed to sharing my journey with hopes that it helps the newly diagnosed person with encouragement that they are not in this fight alone.